Saturday, June 23, 2007

More PC Bullshit That Will One Day End The World...

My sister teaches High School Math. I will not name the district, because I have no doubt that if word ever got back to them that my sister had made this public, they would no doubt make her life more of a Dantean Hell than it is already. My sister, one of the last great teachers who actually cares about not only her students but the integrity of the educational system, insists that students have the right to pass or fail at their choice. If a student does the work, studies hard, and applies themselves, they will learn enough to pass. If they don't pay attention, slack off, or are outright assholes who REFUSE to do the necessary things, well, as she says, "they have the right to fail."

There was a student, let's call him "Tim", for anonymity's sake, who comes a from an academically successful family. His father is a dentist or a doctor, or something like that, and his older brothers are intelligent and successful. Tim, for lack of a better word, is a fuck stick. Useless sack of flesh who isn't qualified to salt french fries, who will end up with a good job regardless because of Daddy's connections, most likely. Tim does not want to work hard enough to succeed. Tim failed many, many tests, getting grades as low as a 4. I shit you not. Well, my sister, still wanting this child to have the chance to succeed, gave him some points for a few of his tests to bring his grade up to the point where if he STARTED studying and applying himself, he'd still have a shot at graduating. She didn't pass him outright, but if she had given him the grade he earned, he would have had no shot whatsoever. (Where were teachers like that when I was a kid?) So, did Tim accept this gift with the necessary humility and determination to do the right thing and buckle down? Well, let's just say "no fucking way." Tim failed his final, and as a result, had not earned the necessary grades to graduate. I won't say he failed, because the saga does not end as predicted.

The administration, who cares more about how many students GRADUATE rather than how many actualy pass the classes, put tremendous pressure on my sister to give this little jizz stain a passing grade REGARDLESS of his results, so they could crow mightily about how all their students are smart and all their students graduate! My sister held on to her morals and ethics, and refused to give him a grade other than the one he had earned. The administration went over her head, and gave Tim a new final exam, giving him a completely undeserved second chance to scrape by and squeak through the doors.

Guess what? The dumb fucker failed it again. You'd think taking a test twice he would have SOME sort of advantage, maybe the intelligence to study what was on the exam itself in a futile attempt to actually absorb some of the information. But maybe Tim isn't so stupid at that, because obviously, he must have KNOWN what was going to happen. That's right, even though this "student" failed the same math final TWICE... the administration simply let him graduate ANYWAY.

Three cheers for the academia! Hip hip, hooray! Hip hip, hooray! Hip hip, HOO THE FUCK ARE THESE ASSHOLES AND WHAT RIGHT DO THEY HAVE LETTING PEOPLE OUT INTO THE WORLD WITH NO REAL EDUCATION?!?!?!? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Their job is to teach these fucking dim wit bastard mother fuckers, not just baby sit them for 12 years and then let them walk out with a diploma they didn't earn!

This nation is getting stupider and stupider, and no one seems to care! This is a fucking outrage, and it is disgusting that the ADMINISTRATORS of my sisters school, the ones who are supposed to help her make sure these kids are getting an education, instead attempt to annoy, intimidate, and cajole my sister into betraying her sense of honor, decency and truth and abandoning these kids to their wanton ignorance.

We have officially gone off the reservation, people. We're more worried about how failing will hurt a child's self esteem and dignity than we are about preparing the child for the real world. Thus the real world will be filled with more and more idiots, who will reproduce quicker because they're not smart enough to use birth control, and eventually, the world will be full of idiot assholes. (watch "Idiocracy," people. It's happening.)

So I give a nice hearty "FUCK YOU" to my sister's place of employment. You assholes are a shameful example of spineless, ballless, ethicless, ass-licking sycophants catering to the parents of these brainless fuckbags you let waltz out your doors every June. I hope every one of you catches a flesh eating virus in your genitals.


Friday, June 08, 2007

Clown-Americans Still Not Accepted

Here at Smart Centipede, we are dedicated to expanding borders, enlightening our fellow man, and making the world a better place. It has recently come to our attention that there is a growing blight on society that needs to be addressed. There are some people who claim to suffer from a disorder known as Coulrophobia. This is, by definition, the fear of Clowns.

This has to stop, people. Clowns are people too. This mindless hatred and bigotry must be put to an end. Clown persecution must be eliminated.

Imagine, if you will, if I were to announce that I was suddenly afraid of Jews? Picture if you will: a crowded city street, and I suddenly break into hysterics at the sight of a Jew, weeping and hiding behind someone, screaming to "make the Jew go away." That didn't fly for Hitler, and rightly so. How much outrage would there be were I to suddenly be diagnosed with Mexicanophobia? What if I refused to help a customer because I was scared of African Americans? None of this would be viewed as socially acceptable. So why should Clowns be exposed to such vitriol, and unjustly scoffed and gawked at?

Clowns have been immigrating to America since the early 1800's. Their struggle to find employment, housing, and even social acceptance was titanic. It was a common sight in centennial America to see a Clown walk into an establishment and mocked by an ignorant public. In 1823, Dan Rice became the first Clown born in America. He rose to high social standing becoming friends with President Abraham Lincoln. He even ran for President in 1868, but the United States was not ready for Clown-equality. This fear and hatred of Clowns stems from a fundamental lack of understanding of Clown culture. In an attempt to clear some of the mystique, we present this brief overview of Clown culture.

Here we see a few members of a small Clown community. One of the village edlers, known in Clownese as a "Biggie Bobo," teaches young Clowns some traditional Clown construction techniques. Stilts being the prime export of Clownovia, these children are learning valuable skills that will help them later in live. Along with stilt construction, children also learn over-sized shoe making, squirting flower repair, and powder-puff maintenance. These essential skills are enhanced when the children enroll in one of the Vocational Schools that dot the landscape of Clownovia.

Here we see a newborn Clown. Will he find acceptance in this turbulent world, or will he be hated and feared like his bretheren? We can only hope he will find some semblence of a normal life here in the United States.

Some clowns are able to find acceptance, and even notoriety and fame. Ronald McDonald, spokesclown for the McDonalds franchise, was born Ronald "Sweet" Pickles as the only child of second generation Clown-Americans. Bouncing between odd-jobs for most of his twenties, he was working as a fry-cook for McDonalds (Clowns could often only find work "behind the scenes" where the public couldn't see them) and as the legend goes, on a slow day, he went out into the streets and danced to draw attention to the restaurant. The resultant influx of customers led the owners of the McDonalds franchise to rechristen him Ronald McDonald, and use Pickles as a spokesperson. The NAAClP (National Association for the Advancement of Clown People) later claimed McDonalds use of Pickles was a negative ethnic stereo-type, but Pickles refusal to testify at hearings would cripple their case. Many hard line Clown Rights advocates call Pickles an "Uncle Tutu," claiming that his pandering antics have set Clown Rights back decades, but many Clown-Americans see him as an inspiration for future generations.

"We face many obstacles in front of us," Gilbert "Hoopy Doopy" Duprey, President of the NAAClP, said from his office in Montgomery, Alabama. "Clown-Americans can do anything they want, anything they can dream of. A clown can become an actor, an astronaut, a professional athlete... who knows? Maybe someday soon America will be ready for a clown President!"

Sunday, June 03, 2007


Mood: I'm so tired my eye balls are vibrating, I swear...

Book: 52, Chapter One

Flash Rogue: Mirror Master

Ice Cream: Vanilla Bean

Song: Sleepwalk

Force of Nature: Weak Nuclear

Aching Joint: Left Knee

Calendar: Sports Illustrated Swimsuit 2003