Tuesday, November 24, 2020

Geraldo Wants New COVID-19 Vaccine To Be Named "The Trump;" Here's Why That Is A Bad Idea

Fox News Correspondent/Living Mummy's Curse Geraldo Rivera has suggested that the Vaccine for COVID-19 be named "The Trump" as a way to soften the blow of losing the 2020 presidential election. While there are already several things already named for Trump, a complete list of which will follow, there is one crucial element that Geraldo seems to forget in his suggestion; that Donald J. Trump is an adult who should not need consolation prizes for losing a job he was terrible at when most of his time spent on that job was aimed at stripping the rights from the oppressed and tweeting from his toilet rather than, you know, actually doing the fucking job.

The idea that Trump needs to be (or even would be) mollified demonstrates how truly pathetic he is. He's just an overgrown child playing at being a powerful man. He is a spoiled little prick throwing tantrums when others speak out against him. A true world leader doesn't need a security blanket and a juice box when things doesn't go his way.

The true greatest tragedy of the Trump Presidency (and trust me, there are many) is what it has revealed about us as a nation. You had a racist sexually predatory dimwit in the Oval Office for four years, showing how little he thinks of people who are not just like him (wealthy, white, "Christian," straight) and how willing he was to engage in global dick-measuring with corrupt dictators like "Rocket Man" over in North Korea (and how soft his underbelly is when in the presence of an actual "Alpha-Male" like Vladimir Putin). They saw four years of Trump basically acting like a cartoon super villain and were okay with that because it allowed their own deep-seeded racism to come storming out of the closet dressed in their best white hooded robe. Trump has shown the spotlight on the ugliness of this country, and on the greed that so greatly motivates so many of his constituents. He's created such division in this nation, perhaps the widest since the American Civil War. Now Geraldo wants to fluff his ego like a porn star getting ready for the big scene?


No, there are already several things he's smeared his name all over, including the history books. Not even bothering to list all the properties, businesses, and buildings this shit wipe has stamped his name on, here is a list of other things already named "The Trump;"

• The act of taking credit for both "the most secure election in US history" and one that is "rigged," and still losing it; That's called The Trump.

• Telling people you "could shoot someone and still not lose any votes" on live TV; That's called The Trump.

• The thick, ropy spit that accumulates in the corner of a mental patient's mouth when they are medicated beyond the ability to speak; That's called The Trump.

• When you wipe your ass several times and the toilet paper keeps coming out with a line of shit on it like you have a marker shoved up your ass; That's called The Trump.

• When a white racist who has failed to denounce white supremacy claims they've done more for black people than Abraham Lincoln; That's called The Trump.

• When a hooker has to give you a refund because she can't find your tiny, flaccid penis; That's called The Trump.

• The nickname of the attorney at every New York City law firm who specializes in divorce and bankruptcy bundling; That's called The Trump.

• When your wife gives you a blow job and you don't reciprocate based on a loophole or technicality; That's called The Trump.

• The #12 on the McDonalds menu board, which is a 40 "Hamberders" value pack with extra mayo; That's called The Trump.

• Any sexually predatory act that is said to be justified because you own the building it occurs in; That's called The Trump.

• When a marriage is either contingent on a Green Card or for money, but you know that shit ain't about love because the one who needs to appear like they are in a happy marriage can't even stand to be touched by the other; That's called The Trump.

• Shitting your pants on a golf course; That's called The Trump.

• Getting checkmated in four moves in a game of chess that you thought was actually checkers; That's called The Trump.

• When you obviously and blatantly shun one of your daughters while openly display your desire to fuck the better looking other one; That's called The Trump.

• Being shitty enough at your job that the entire civilized world celebrates when you get fired. That's called The Trump.

So yeah, Trump already has too many things named after him. How about we name the vaccine after the scientist who created it? Or even better, let's name it after Geraldo Rivera: a little prick who you hope you never have to deal with again.


Thursday, February 28, 2019

Don't Mind Me, I'm Just Shortening an Obnoxiously Long Link...

Sometimes I look at Ivanka and think "that poor girl, grew up in a home with a misogynist douche as a father, please God, just let her find a way out," and then she goes and opens up her mouth and it's like Donald Sutherland  at the end of Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

Ivanka Says People Don't Want A Living Wage

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

An Easy Way For Trump to Remember the Difference Between Weather and Climate Change Science:

Donald Trump has once again showed his ignorance, whether willful or otherwise, regarding the science of climate change whilst calling out Amy Klobuchar on her announced run for President in 2020.

Trump's Twitter Shitter

I have come up with a very elegant, simple solution for the President to remember the difference between weather and climate change science. Weather is a snapshot, whereas climate change science is a set of observations that builds up evidence of a scientific trend. Still confused? Let me give another example:

This is a photo that seems to suggest that Donald Trump has shit his pants. It is a snapshot, not proof that the President of the United States walks around 24/7 with a set of drawers filled with the green apple splatters.

So now, Mr. President, do you see the difference? Do you understand that- like the picture of you failing basic toilet training- a day's weather is an isolated view that could defy the ongoing trend, or are you really 24/7 full of shit?


Tuesday, July 17, 2018


Millions across the nation were surprised to see that the Reality TV host they elected to lead their country somehow proved incapable of performing even the most basic of diplomatic tasks. Donald J. Trump, the elected leader of the most powerful nation in the free world, basically laid down center stage and exposed his soft, flabby underbelly to Russian President Vladimir Putin at an historic summit in Helsinki, Finland on July 16. When asked by a reporter about possible Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election, which members of the U.S. Intelligence community have concluded absolutely happened, and subsequently asked if he would denounce the interference and state that he wanted Putin never to do it again, Trump, the man responsible for the leadership of one of the most powerful nations on the planet, wiped a huge gob of Putin's seed off of his chin and immediately tried to deflect the question by attacking his favorite primary target for all occasions, the Democratic National Convention.

"So let me just say that we have two thoughts. You have groups that are wondering why the FBI never took the server. Why haven't they taken the server? Why was the FBI told to leave the office of the Democratic National Committee? I've been wondering that. I've been asking that for months and months and I've been tweeting it out and calling it out on social media. Where is the server? I want to know where is the server and what is the server saying?" Donald J. Trump, the President of the United States, possibly clinically retarded

After he realized his rambling, incoherent attempts at sentences were leading to nowhere, he finally attempted to answer the question.

"With that being said, all I can do is ask the question. My people came to me, Dan Coats came to me and some others they said they think it's Russia. I have President Putin. He just said it's not Russia. I will say this: I don't see any reason why it would be." - Donald Trump, accused sexual predator, being horrifically sodomized by a fellow world leader in front of horrified citizenry, entire world

Except, Donny, you do have a reason to suspect it would be them; the top intelligence agencies of the country you run have told you, without a doubt, that it was them. Hmm, let's see, who should I believe, the people who are in charge of fighting and carrying out espionage in our country who have it's safety and security in mind, or the power mad dictator who was in charge of espionage for the country who was our adversary for the better part of five decades?

You look weak, Donald. You look like Putin's little lap dog. You look like a puppet, just like you accused Clinton of being in your campaign. You rolled over like a little bitch, exposing your flabby bitch-tits to the big bad alpha wolf.

In an equally perplexing move, when called out by just about every politician in Washington D.C., member of the free press, and intelligent human, on his disgraceful, weak-ass performance as our leader, he tried to walk it back and claim he misspoke.

"In a key sentence in my remarks, I said the word 'would' instead of 'wouldn't.' ... The sentence should've been: 'I don’t see any reason why it wouldn’t be Russia.' " - Donald Trump, man who shouldn't be trusted with keys to a janitorial closet, let alone the most powerful arsenal of nuclear weapons in all of creation

O.K., Commander Bitch-Tits, let me get this straight: You intended to say to everyone, right in front of Putin, that even though he says they did not interfere, that you saw no reason to think it wasn't them? You were going to straight up call him a liar to his face in front of the gathered international press? I find that highly suspect, when all signs indicated that you'd just finished stroking him to completion with your tiny, doll-like hands.

You don't just look weak, D.J., you look stupid. You look like a panicky idiot who doesn't know what he's saying from moment to moment, who doesn't know which of Putin's testicles to lick first, who has to backtrack and waffle on even the most basic shit. You are a moronic tool. You have made us as a nation look stupid and weak, as well. You are terrified of Putin, and have shown him that with your pathetic, weak display of ass-licking sycophancy.

If anyone, ANYONE out there still defends this dick head, they should hide their fucking faces in shame. This idiotic sexual terrorist has officially gone off the reservation, and if you still insist on claiming he can do no wrong, you should be embarrassed (and probably sterilized to prevent breeding).

T-Rump, you did your country a great service by keeping Hillary Clinton from stealing power in this country. Now shut your fucking mouth and step down, before you get someone nuked.

Wednesday, November 08, 2017

Chess x 4

Click here for a game of Four Person Chess that I won against all odds!