Tuesday, November 24, 2020

Geraldo Wants New COVID-19 Vaccine To Be Named "The Trump;" Here's Why That Is A Bad Idea

Fox News Correspondent/Living Mummy's Curse Geraldo Rivera has suggested that the Vaccine for COVID-19 be named "The Trump" as a way to soften the blow of losing the 2020 presidential election. While there are already several things already named for Trump, a complete list of which will follow, there is one crucial element that Geraldo seems to forget in his suggestion; that Donald J. Trump is an adult who should not need consolation prizes for losing a job he was terrible at when most of his time spent on that job was aimed at stripping the rights from the oppressed and tweeting from his toilet rather than, you know, actually doing the fucking job.

The idea that Trump needs to be (or even would be) mollified demonstrates how truly pathetic he is. He's just an overgrown child playing at being a powerful man. He is a spoiled little prick throwing tantrums when others speak out against him. A true world leader doesn't need a security blanket and a juice box when things doesn't go his way.

The true greatest tragedy of the Trump Presidency (and trust me, there are many) is what it has revealed about us as a nation. You had a racist sexually predatory dimwit in the Oval Office for four years, showing how little he thinks of people who are not just like him (wealthy, white, "Christian," straight) and how willing he was to engage in global dick-measuring with corrupt dictators like "Rocket Man" over in North Korea (and how soft his underbelly is when in the presence of an actual "Alpha-Male" like Vladimir Putin). They saw four years of Trump basically acting like a cartoon super villain and were okay with that because it allowed their own deep-seeded racism to come storming out of the closet dressed in their best white hooded robe. Trump has shown the spotlight on the ugliness of this country, and on the greed that so greatly motivates so many of his constituents. He's created such division in this nation, perhaps the widest since the American Civil War. Now Geraldo wants to fluff his ego like a porn star getting ready for the big scene?


No, there are already several things he's smeared his name all over, including the history books. Not even bothering to list all the properties, businesses, and buildings this shit wipe has stamped his name on, here is a list of other things already named "The Trump;"

• The act of taking credit for both "the most secure election in US history" and one that is "rigged," and still losing it; That's called The Trump.

• Telling people you "could shoot someone and still not lose any votes" on live TV; That's called The Trump.

• The thick, ropy spit that accumulates in the corner of a mental patient's mouth when they are medicated beyond the ability to speak; That's called The Trump.

• When you wipe your ass several times and the toilet paper keeps coming out with a line of shit on it like you have a marker shoved up your ass; That's called The Trump.

• When a white racist who has failed to denounce white supremacy claims they've done more for black people than Abraham Lincoln; That's called The Trump.

• When a hooker has to give you a refund because she can't find your tiny, flaccid penis; That's called The Trump.

• The nickname of the attorney at every New York City law firm who specializes in divorce and bankruptcy bundling; That's called The Trump.

• When your wife gives you a blow job and you don't reciprocate based on a loophole or technicality; That's called The Trump.

• The #12 on the McDonalds menu board, which is a 40 "Hamberders" value pack with extra mayo; That's called The Trump.

• Any sexually predatory act that is said to be justified because you own the building it occurs in; That's called The Trump.

• When a marriage is either contingent on a Green Card or for money, but you know that shit ain't about love because the one who needs to appear like they are in a happy marriage can't even stand to be touched by the other; That's called The Trump.

• Shitting your pants on a golf course; That's called The Trump.

• Getting checkmated in four moves in a game of chess that you thought was actually checkers; That's called The Trump.

• When you obviously and blatantly shun one of your daughters while openly display your desire to fuck the better looking other one; That's called The Trump.

• Being shitty enough at your job that the entire civilized world celebrates when you get fired. That's called The Trump.

So yeah, Trump already has too many things named after him. How about we name the vaccine after the scientist who created it? Or even better, let's name it after Geraldo Rivera: a little prick who you hope you never have to deal with again.