Saturday, April 14, 2007

Dum de duuuuuuum dum.... SCIENCE!

Apparently, this is what passes for medicine these days.

With the progress on my back slowing to the point where I am beginning to wonder if I will ever be pain free, I have been open to any new procedures that I can find in my quest to stand erect without agony. My acupuncturist recommended a procedure known as cupping, which I am told by my dear sister is something Gwyneth Paltrow herself engages in (I know I wouldn't mind "cupping" Gwyneth). The long and the short of it is the doctor puts a plastic cup on my back and uses a pump to evacuate the air, pulling the skin up into the cup. He then rubs this vigorously up and down the problem areas, which serves to draw copious amounts of blood to the surface, nourishing the muscle tissue and promoting healing. In the meantime, my brother is making cracks about the tire tracks in My Cousin Vinny, and I feel like someone filmed the newest the Fast and the Furious on my back ("The Fast and The Furious: Spare Tire" coming soon to an iMax theatre near you).

I have to tell you, though, I have complete trust in my acupuncturist. I never would have thought there could be ANY improvement in my back just from sticking pins in my skin, but I feel it has helped more than the physical therapy.

And on a final note, I would apologize for exposing any of my doughy, flaccid torso to you, but I'm fairly certain that you were already warned in the Terms of Service Agreement that such a showing might happen.