Special Insight.....

Which of these fun factoids are false?

1. I make myself sneeze once a day by snorting water.

2. I have an imaginary friend who speaks a magical language that only I can understand.

3. I once killed a man by reciting poetry to him.

4. I have never had my wisdom teeth removed.

5. I once smoked a cigarette in one and a half minutes.

6. I drink my birth weight in peanut oil every morning.

7. I own five automobiles.

8. I own five percent of Microsoft.

9. I once ate an entire order of McDonalds Hotcakes in one bite.

10. I was ejected from my one and only spelling bee in the first round, having misspelled a five letter word.

11. My sense of taste is so acute that I can tell how many grains of salt are on a pretzel nugget.

12. I once slept for 24 hours straight.

13. I once stayed awake for 56 hours straight.

14. I have been on television twice.

15. I wrote Whitney Houston's "I'm Every Woman."

16. I was born in the year of the Muskrat.

17. I once drank an entire travel bottle of Scope with no ill effects.

18. I have been to Orlando eight times, but have never been to Disney World.

19. All of my relationships happened within a three and a half year span.

20. I am missing a piece of my right eyelid.

ANSWERS:

1. True. Best way to nose douche the coffee stink out of my head.

2. False. He speaks a form of Esperanto, and I have no idea what he's saying.

3. False. Not yet, anyway...

4. True. I have had one broken tooth in all four quadrants of my mouth, which creates enough space for the wisdom teeth to exist pain free.

5. True. As a cigar smoker, when I was once forced to resort to cigarettes, I smoked it like a cigar, with deep drags and no inhale. It went up like flash paper.

6. False. Strictly corn oil for me.

7. True. Two of them work.

8. False. ANYONE who knows me knows I want nothing to do with anything that isn't Macintosh.

9. False. But I would be willing to wager a week's pay that I could.

10. True. Abate. A-B-A-I-T. BZZZZZT!

11. False. I can't tell the difference between a beefsteak tomato and actual beefsteak.

12. True. After a 33 hour stint at Dan's Papers.

13. True. Painting at college for my senior show.

14. False. One of my appearances, as announcer for the Southampton College Basketball team, never aired, because they lost the playoff game. Dicks.

15. False. REALLY. I SWEAR.

16. False. It was the year of the Ox.

17. True. Frost Valley, 1988. I won 50¢ on that bitch, too.

18. True. I always get stuck driving the group that wants to go to the beach...

19. True. Sad, but true. My first girlfriend and I started dating in September of 1995, and my last girlfriend dumped me in April of 1999.

20. False. I am missing a piece of my LEFT eyelid, due to a childhood chicken pox scab falling off.