Sunday, November 26, 2006

The Misery Feeder

Congratulations, Intrepid Shopper!

You have waited in line for upwards of 60 hours in some cases, just for the honor of owning one of the first Playstation 3's to be released in America! Surely your life will be much more fulfilling than those pathetic saps who will have to wait, oh, about three months, to simply walk into Best Buy and purchase one for the regular retail price without having to endanger their health and well being by skipping sleep and risking assault upon exiting the store.

To those who attacked the people who waited on line, thank you for showing people the inherent risks involved with purchasing high end technology. You should be rewarded for culling the weak from the herd. If they wanted to buy a Playstation 3, they should make damned sure that they are able to defend that console on their way home. I eagerly anticipate the reports of home intrusion and burglary that involve the console.

To those who purchased yours with the intent to re-sell it on eBay, we are especially pleased by your entrepreneurial spirit. You are the essence of what we're trying to accomplish here on Earth; bilking the greedy out of their precious money by charging upwards of $2500 more than the retail price for something that will be available to all by Valentine's Day.

To those who actually purchased the system on eBay for $3000, relax. Your money is well worth it. You'll be a pioneer, discovering first hand all the glitches, bugs and snafus that the rest of the common man will be unable to enjoy when they get theirs in time for St. Patrick's Day.

And to Sony themselves, thank you for setting the whole thing up. By jacking up the price via using fad technology, you've created the ultimate must-have item for the holiday season, and by short-sheeting the public on available units, you've guaranteed violence. I can't wait for someone to do an Orson Welles "War of the Worlds" type broadcast announcing that Sony officially announced that there will be no more Playstation3 s produced, spawning a whole new classification of crime, where kids are being shot for their PS3's, and people are killed coming into their own house by spouses who assumed it was someone coming to steal their techno-geegaw.

Festering misery! It's soooooo beautiful!