Apparently, even the worlds we create for ourselves are pathetic and filled with losers.
A UK couple is getting a divorce after a five year relationship because the husband, Dave Pollard, was caught cheating on his wife, Amy Taylor, in the virtual environment known as Second Life. It's true: check here if you don't believe me (though clicking the link only proves how untrusting you are, you faithless bastards).
Apparently, the 40 year old man was caught cyber-cuddling on a virtual couch with an American user he had known for a few weeks, and when he was confronted by his real wife, he told her he didn't love her any more and their marriage was over. Apparently Pollard, waste of both real and virtual flesh, had previously been caught eCopulating (or is it iCopulating? I can never keep those prefixes straight) with a virtual prostitute, and was already on thin ice with his wife. He plans on marrying his American Digital Sweetheart soon, both in game and in "rl."
My brother cracked a classic joke about the situation, saying "your character cheated on my character in World of Warcraft!" which was only made funnier by the fact that this woman then revealed that she had already found a new love on- you guessed it- WORLD OF WARCRAFT.
I would instruct these sad sack mother fuckers to get a life, except they already have TWO of them and they can't manage to not fuck either of them up. This Pollard guy already has a tough enough deck stacked against him being disabled. He finally finds someone who loves him, finds a woman willing to marry him TWICE (they married in 2nd Life before they actually tied the knot for real shortly afterwards) and he needs MORE? I hope he meets his new virtual fiancee and finds out his name is Chad, a 36 year old software designer from Paramus, NJ.
Other incidents of the virtual world having a profound effect on the analog world include a British truck driver killing his ex-wife over her Facebook status, a Delaware woman plotting to kidnap her Second Life boyfriend in real life, a Japanese woman virtually assassinating her ex-cyber-husband's character, and a 21 year old man on methamphetamines being stabbed to death by a Hell's Angel at an X-BOX 360 Rock Band party during a performance of the Rolling Stone's "Gimme Shelter." (O.K., so maybe I made one of those up. Would have been funnier if it was "Under My Thumb," but that ain't quite RB material, now is it?)
Jeezus H. Christmas, people, is this what we're destined for? This creaky old great grand daddy of the Matrix, in which people can float around and interact with people across the world, so full of hope and promise... and we can't even get along in there.
We need Virtual Counseling. I wonder what the doctor from Brain Age 2 is doing right now?
Saturday, November 15, 2008
2nd Life Becomes Just As Sucky As Real Life; 3rd Life Launched
Friday, September 26, 2008
Grossest thing ever...
I'm trying to do a post for the Sports Blog, and I needed my terminology to sound accurate, so I did some research. I almost can't finish...
DO NOT READ BEFORE EATING...
I WARNED YOU!
Nov. 22, 2007 - (CNN) -- It may not be the most appetizing reading before a hearty holiday meal, but the New England Journal of Medicine is devoting part of its Thanksgiving issue to a giant hairball -- and not the feline kind.
Doctors say this hairball removed from a woman's stomach weighed 10 pounds.
The prestigious journal details the case of a previously healthy 18-year-old woman who consulted a team of gastrointestinal specialists.
She complained of a five-month history of pain and swelling in her abdomen, vomiting after eating and a 40-pound weight loss.
After a scan of the woman's abdomen showed a large mass, doctors lowered a scope through her esophagus.
It revealed "a large bezoar occluding nearly the entire stomach," wrote Drs. Ronald M. Levy and Srinadh Komanduri, gastroenterologists at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago, Illinois.
For the uninitiated, a bezoar is a ball of swallowed foreign material.
"On questioning, the patient stated that she had had a habit of eating her hair for many years -- a condition called trichophagia," they wrote.
"It seemed like she'd been doing this for several years," Levy told CNN.
The woman underwent surgery to remove the mass of black, curly hair, which weighed 10 pounds and measured 15 inches by 7 inches by 7 inches, the doctors said.
Five days later, she was eating normally and was sent home.
A year later, the pain and vomiting were gone, the patient had regained 20 pounds "and reports that she has stopped eating her hair."
Reached at his home in Chicago, Levy said he had no idea whether the journal's timing of the publication on Thanksgiving was intentional.
Either way, he said, it would not affect the gastroenterologists' holiday dinner plans -- "We don't get fazed by much."
Monday, August 11, 2008
Peace Train, Love Train Collide; Hundreds Feared Dead
TASHKENT, UZBEKISTAN - Tragedy struck in the early hours of August 11, when two trains collided on the Trans-Asian Railway System. The eastbound Love Train was believed to be headed for China when it encountered a rail defect at 3:49 a.m. local time, causing the engine to jump the track to the left, directly onto the neighboring railway. The jump caused 17 of the train's passenger cars to also leave the track and pile up, and it is unknown how many casualties were caused by the initial crash.
Mere seconds later, the westbound Peace Train came gliding, its conductor unable to brake the train before the collision. The engine struck the Love Train wreckage, lifting up into the air and causing the passenger cars to slam into the other train at an estimated 195 Kilometers per hour.
Of the 936 combined passengers, only 17 have been confirmed as survivors. So far, 716 bodies have been recovered, though rescue workers are pessimistic about the chances of finding more survivors amidst the burning twisted wreckage.
"It was horrible," said Primad Patel, 42, a passenger aboard the Love Train who sustained a broken wrist, severe lacerations on his legs, and second degree burns to his legs and chest. "We departed from Egypt, and had just left our stop in Russia. Everyone had joined hands, when suddenly there was a horrific screeching noise, and then everything was flipping over. The car I was in had ended up atop the wreckage of another car, facing sideways, so I was able to see down the track through a shattered window. Out of the edge of darkness, there rode the Peace Train. It was horrible... simply horrible," Patel said, before breaking down into racking sobs.
"I cannot believe this," cried Chezmal Bhanti, brother of Senval Phanti, 21, a passenger aboard the Love Train who was headed to China to attend the closing ceremonies of the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing. "I told him 'please don't miss this train at the station, 'cause if you miss it, I feel sorry, sorry for you'. Oh, how could I have been so foolish?"
The Peace Train sustained more damage, experts are saying, as they struck a stationary object, whereas the Love Train was able to come to a slower, if still catastrophic, stop. All 17 of the survivors were aboard the Love Train.
"It is a dark day," Turpan Stationmaster X'ing Fong Xiu said. "The passengers got their bags together, went and brought their friends too, and jumped aboard the Peace Train. Little did they know they would never see their loved ones again."
"It will haunt my dreams forever," said Chad Durtz, 51, a tourist who was headed East on the Love Train. "I managed to crawl out of the wreckage, but we could see it getting closer. The Peace Train was sounding louder, and then it plowed through the Love Train. My wife... oh God, Esther..."
"This is a horrible tragedy," O'Jays lead singer Eddie Levert was quoted as saying. "We feel that in light of this catastrophe, people all over the world should join hands. Actually, maybe that's not such a good idea, as that's what started this in the first place."
Cat Stevens could not be reached for comment.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Real Life Sucks...
Once again, my blog has fallen into a state of disrepair. Sorry about the lull (if there's anyone here who actually still reads this).
The Olympics are in full swing, and already someone is dead. A random Chinese asshole stabbed someone just because they were related to a US Coach. I am still in awe that in this day and age, we're allowing the Olympics to take place in a backwards cesspool of inhumanity like China.
I would whole heartedly applaud the USOC if they decided to pull every American athlete from the games and get them out of that used rubber that is the People's Republic of China.
Hey, funny story, a woman sold her house and spent the proceeds to get her dead dog cloned. Turns out she was recognized in her story in the newspaper as someone who abducted, tied up, and repeatedly raped a man almost 20 years ago. Small world, eh?
But enough comedy. Bernie Mac is gone, my friends. Died as a result of complications of pneumonia, from what I'm told. Who would have thought that the first cast member of Ocean's 11 to die WOULDN'T be Carl Reiner? He was a gifted actor, who had a special brand of class to him, and he will be sorely missed. Go easy, Bobby Bolivia.
Speaking of dead celebrities gone before their time, I saw The Dark Knight again, and I have to tell you that Heath Ledger was, at the time of his death, a flat out stone cold fucking genius. His portrayal of the Clown Prince of Crime was amazing. How amazing? He was, far and away, the greatest actor in a movie that had Morgan Freeman and Michael-God-damned-Cain in it. I give it 4.9 stars out of a possible 5, only because Christian Bale's Bat Voice has gone around the bend from intimidating to comedic. He was reminiscent of Will Ferrell's Jacob Silge from Weekend Update (VOICE IMODULATION, TINA!)
